Tips on this section of my story?

Rosabella slid on her cream vintage slip, deciding it was the perfect outfit for tonight. It was a bit see through, not what she wanted for public, so the seventeen year old managed to fit a navy blue fitted t-shirt on underneath. The shear material no longer showed her hot pink bra. After a final look in the mirror Rosabella thought she nailed the dress, she was ready for the party, she was ready to finally see him again.


Adrian Roe was back in town and Rosabella had missed her some-what boyfriend dearly. When he left to vist family in Italy she was devastated, and soon after hearing the news he broke her heart if possible for a second time, telling her that they should break up for the summer. Adrian wanted to explore the wondeful city of Italy without being tied down back in Chicago. In a way, Rosabella had to admit it wasn't an absurd request. Of course he'd want to be free to do whatever he likes with whoever he likes during the summer, and being with Rosabella ruined that.


By the time Rosabella got to her friend Nadine's house, the party was already in motion. People were dancing and chatting as Nadine kept serving assorted snacks, when she spotted Rosabella she waved her over. "He is already here!" Nadine gushed as she hugged her best friend.


Rosabella couldn't hide her smile, asking, "He is? Where?"


"Right now he is mingling, so the best way to find him is search everywhere," Nadine giggled. "He mentioned you twice. I think he really wants to see you. Ready to reevaluate your relationship."


Rosabella nodded, turning ever which way to get a glimpse of him. She saw him and he waved at her. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "I've got tons to tell you, but first I want to introduce you to someone!" Adrian walked away for a moment, bringing back an unsually beautiful girl. "This is Sienna," he introduced. "Sienna, this is my ex-girlfriend Rosabella."


Ex-girlfriend, that made things perfectly clear. Rosabella was about to fall over. Adrian brought home a gorgeous girl? What to rub in her face that he'd moved on while she had a lonely summer?





sorry, it's just the set up and i know it's a tad long, but if you read it can you give me tips on how to improve it? grammar, spelling, is it too boring? thanks in advance. criticism is welcome!!|||First, Italy isn't a city, it's a country, so do correct that error. Also, I was distracted by Rosabella's putting a navy blue t-shirt beneath her translucent (?) "creamy vintage slip". Was that her entire outfit for the party? I can't imagine how it would look! It seems rather odd. I tend to think that the gorgeous Sienna will be Adrian's cousin, most likely; right? Anyway, so far as the context of what you've posted, it is intriguing; I'd be curious to know what is to come next. Additionally, though, what you've posted is reasonably well written; strictly, it could use some punctuation in places and perhaps changes in wording, but I am somewhat overly critical, too. Anyway, I do think that you have an interesting start to your story; if you have it plotted in your mind, do continue writing. See how it goes. Good luck!|||more ,umm, less familiar words. possibly give the dialogue an accent or dialect appropriate to the area, just to enhance the setting.


also, more adjectives|||Info-dumps are risky openers. And there's a lot of unneccasary details, like the colors of her clothes, here that could lose a reader's interest fast.





Also, the dialogue sounds very stiff. Using "he's" instead "he is" sounds much nicer.





And always try to use less words when writing. It will flow so much nicer when reading and your audience will be all the more drawn into the story.