So yeah. My life is driving me crazy. School is driving me crazy. I really just don't know what to do at this point. I have some problems, but they're not neat and tidy little problems that can be summed up in one question. So here we go.
Last year, my junior year of high school, I transferred from a somewhat prestigious academy, where I lived on a college campus, to a public school in my dad's, and now my, hometown. My problem with the academy was that I just wasn't ready to live away from home. I hated the girls in my dorm, I made no friends, and I missed my family and my boyfriend of two years like crazy. So, after months of begging, my dad let me come back home, on the condition that I move in with him, rather than my aunt, with whom I had been living prior to that time due to my dad's insane work schedule, and the fact that my mom had walked out on us when i was 12. Whew.
Anyway, so I go to this new school. I know no one there, but this did not seem like a big issue to me at the time, seeing as I had already had to go through a similar transition while at the Academy. Problem is, you don't move into a school junior year with a near-perfect GPA without causing some hard feelings. People didn't make a big deal out of it at first, but now it's senior year, and a few of the people in my class have decided that I've "screwed up" their class ranks. I've gotten prank phone calls, anonymous messages from people telling me that I should ask to have myself removed from the class rank so that the "real" salutatorian can have his rank back.
The truth is, I don't even care about the valedictorian/salutatorian BS. I don't care about the stupid top ten dinner, or making some stupid speech. I'd gladly give the rabid little overachievers their number back, if it were even possible, but my guidance counselor says that it isn't.
The fact of the matter is, I work my a** off. Between 4 AP classes, a college calculus class, math bowl, and science olympiad, it seems like all I ever do is go to school and study, go to school and study...and now I don't even want to show my face in school anymore, seeing as most of the people there just hate me. My attendance this semester has been ridiculously bad, because I just can't make myself get up and face them anymore.
Anyway, all of that aside, I've realized that I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I've applied to the University of Chicago, which I always thought was the perfect place for me...not so sure anymore. I think I've realized that I'm not up to handling the stress academics cause me. I think what I really want to do is just stay at home and go to the local campus of a state university. Everyone I talk to tells me that it would be "a waste." But I've realized that I just don't care about prestige anymore. I just want to get college over with, get a degree, and move on with my life. And my experience at the academy has already taught me that I don't cope well with being away from home...why test it a second time? I don't think I've changed enough in two years to suddenly be ready for that leap. I don't know what to do.
On the other hand, it might be good for me to get away from home. This is where things get screwed up. Remember how I was saying before that my mom walked out when I was 12? Last year, after not speaking to any of us for 5 years, she turned up at my dad's house. Pregnant. Out of concern for the baby, and due to the fact that she had nowhere else to live, she's been living with us for the past year. So basically, I am living with both of my divorced parents and a little half-brother, whom my dad is supporting despite having no claim to him. We were struggling to make ends meet before my mom and my brother came into the picture, and now things are even worse, as my mother refuses to get a job, and my dad has had to deal with temporary lay-offs. He is applying for a second job, and I am trying to find a part-time job to bring in some extra money...but jobs are scarce right now, and it seems like employers are especially reluctant to hire teenagers when there are so many adults out of work. Yet my mother does nothing and sits on WoW all day. My dad wishes he could throw her out, but we all love my baby brother and don't know what would happen to him if we were to do such a thing. It's just really confusing...
So yeah. I don't know what to do, about my home life or my school life. I don't know where I'm going anymore. The stress is killing me, and it seems like the only happiness in my life comes from my boyfriend, but he hasn't been able to give me any real insight. I just felt like laying it all out on here so as to maybe get an objective perspective on the way things really are. Maybe I just need a slap in the face or for someone to tell me to suck it up...I don't know.|||Ok. Sounds like you got a plate full. I think you can fix this relatively easily though. To me, what it boils down to is A) Your academic situation in cumulation with B) your mother/brother situation.
First, what do you want to be when you grow up? This will determine the degree you need from college. Plan accordingly. Second. Kids at school are nobodys. Don't listen to them. Believe me, I'm a loner at school, not because I don't get along with others or am the dorky kid that everyone hates, but because I choose to separate myself from them and their values. This is all you. Your values and your wants are what are important. You keep yourself happy, and you'll be ok. That brings us to extra-curricular. What of those things do you need? Do they matter a lot to you? Can you cut out some of the clubs that you don't need? Sure, no one likes to quit, but that's too much of a work load to have any time for yourself. You need that. Believe it or not, time off to relax is extremely important. Work at your own pace, not the pace of those who are trying to prepare you for college. (which I think preparing highschoolers as a whole is a load of bs seeing as how only 2/3 of all those who even attempt college do not get a degree.) Make time for you and your boyfriend. Its not slacking. Its being happy, which is most important.
As for your mother and brother. She needs a real wake-up call. Obviously, she has never grown up and needs attention. She does not want to work as she has neither the ambition nor the psycological capacity to do it. This is a life of laziness that has spoiled her rotten. Even if she attempts work, she'll say something along the lines of "Im tired, my feet hurt, I'm not cut out for working, and I hate all my stuck up co-workers" and then she'll demand maid service. If i were a girl, I'd punch her out. And then see what I could do to adopt the kid and get her out of your hair. She's dead weight if she does nothing.
Hope I led your mind to someplace new, or organized it a little for you.....
Good luck :)|||wow
that alot to handle
umm i only got half of that...
all im saying is 4get rumors they suck, people r harsh, its life!
do what you think is best for you, your family, and ur future!
good luck!!!%26lt;333333333 love liz|||You do not need to "suck it up". You are dealing with a lot and you need a break. Maybe you should take a year off before college or get a hobby as an outlet for your stress. I am sorry you feel confused about what you want to do with your life but you need to do what you think is best. It might be good to get away from home. But i think the hardest thing to deal with would be your mother and little brother. If you really want to get her out of there then maybe you could see if she could get an apartment near by and you could take care of her child. He deserves a good life to but you are not obligated to provide for your mother as well. Just pray to God and trust In Him. He will help you through this.|||slow down girlie, you're gonna have a panic attack. its normal for someone like you to be worried in this kind of situation but my advice to you would be to just sit down, have some alone time and just think about what it is that you really want out of life and how to go about getting it. this time with college decisions is vital. as far as school right now, i know it's hard to deal with but keep telling yourself its just 1 more year here. you have to do whats best for you! and not worry about other people. the people at school harrassing you wont be in your life forever. also maybe you should even consider taking some time off of school. if your home life is part of your stress, move out and / or get a roommate so you have company if needed. trust me, your mind will be more at ease. move out and focus on school. when its over, it will be well worth all the effort you put into it. as far as your home life, well.. in my opinion, your mom shouldnt be there considering she has no job and shes divorced from your dad. but dont stress that, its an issue for your mom and dad to sort out. you're still young, enjoy your life. overall, you need to worry about yourself first, like i said earlier, you have to do whats best for you. sit down alone and just think about what you want and what you need to do to make that happen, thats my opinion.|||Okay, so at least you have your academics right? This is what I think you should do: Keep your chin up, you don't have that many months left. Post secondary is a lot different from private school. At post secondary there are more people, and not all of them come from entitled backgrounds. I'm not going to lie to you, post-secondary is tough. Its stressful. However ,I think you should work hard, and hopefully you'll get scholarships for being in the top of your class.That will ease your money worries. Don't worry about going away. You are older now, and it sounds like you need some distance from your home life. At some point, you need to make your own way independent of your family, and now seems a good time. The trouble I see with staying is that I can see you trying to work to help your family plus school,plus boyfriend. You will end up frazzled, and drained. Your dad needs to stop being a door mat, I'm sure you know that.
And about the school jerks? Come June you'll never see those jerks again, so what do you care? It might help to speak to someone at your school about the harrassment though....well this is long, but I hope it helps some! Good Luck!
PS you can do it!!!!!1|||ok first i hate school just as much as you do trust me i was at a low rate middle school to a high class private school. the work is to 10 times harder. sad to tell you but you just have to cope with school for now and just ignore all the students do not answer private calls trust me. don't give up on school yet or you could just end up having to start all over again. i would kick your mother out but keep your baby brother. or you could call child services, im sure they would do something to your mom.
p.s. good luck|||that is alot to handle. I just turned 13on jan 23 and TODAY my dog hung himself (i cant describe it but i cant help myself soo i thought i would help someone else in my grieving)... I was soo close to him i wrote him a letter and put it in his bag before we put him in a box for a bet hospital. Ive decided i will become a loner now and im deciding to run away for a little. A break from life. Well in your situation like the other guys dont bother those other school kids. I know how its like with prank calls and mocking. You can do it, as the other guy also said (dam mind reader.) Im really sorry but about your Mom, you shouldnt give her any food or resources in your house until she gets a job. Well Pray about it God Bless..
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment